Emo No More ?

Hah. Weird that i actually thought i was OK at add math. And better than normal. Truth to be told, i was actually shocked at my results. Didn't really showed it but i was actually upset inside. I know my marks didn't TOTALLY sucked. But still, i have very high expectations of myself. And so i expected much more considering that i studied. Studied hard. And Prayed hard. Probably if i didn't study , i wouldn't half cared what i got.

Why ? Because didn't study = don't care about it. So it won't make much a difference.

But i Do care. It means the world to me. Thats just me. And half the entire population of Form 4 and every other forms. If they said that Smk Bu 3 is not a competitive school, i would have to disagree. I believe every school is competitive even though people think they're not. Seriously. Who does not care what they get for exams if they actually studied ? How true right ? I know how it feels like to get sucky marks. I have been there OK. Haiz.

But what can we do ? Only buck up and study harder, i guess. We can't change the past but we can change the future. =] Wow. How inspiring. Haha..

Cross my fingers and pray really hard that my other subjects won't suck just as much. The sad thing is that i was actually quite confident for add math and i got like So-So marks only... what will happen to my subjects which i'm not so confident in ?? Argh... Say bye bye to the rest.

Hopefully i will know how to conceal my feelings and emotions inside when the time comes. But i don't think i am strong enough. What to do ?

Sejarah was Good. Thank goodness. But well, everyone did as well. So it didn't make "revenge" sweet or whatever you want to call it. Nat Wongy and Lizzie are all like Super Geniuses la. Even though they said its luck or whatever excuses. Even Marion got wonderful marks and grades. I feel... stupid actually. And when i thought that i was OK. and above average kinda student. Maybe i am, just not an excellent student, no ?

Haiz, i miss blogging, truth to be told. But geniuses don't have BLOGS. They just study. Even if they do have blogs, they rarely update them. Haha. Hit the nail on its head ? Yeah. How true ? See Wongy, Nat, Al, Li Ying, Ning and Lizzie. Some have blogs - rarely update. Some don't have blogs cause probably huge waste of time when they could actually do something useful to reach their matlamat hidup or something siviky...

And with that said, how many people actually read the moral text book ? Yeah. Geniuses do read moral textbooks. Like Li Ying. Haiz..

I'm starting to feel depressed again... NOOO>> Must fight off the attack by the microorganisms ~~ =[

Where is my knight in shining armor with his white horse coming to save me ?

Me. Being me again.

Tagg... finally !

100 truths, tag 10 people to do the same. Don't forget to tag! Long time since my last tag.. lols.

Last beverage → Err. Strawberry Yogurt Drink.
Last phone call → Can't really remember.. i think it was Julia.
Last text message → From or to ? John sent me last and i sent Ven Hui last i think.
Last song you listened to → Dai Wo Zou - Rainie Yang
Last time you cried→ Its probably very recently..

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice → No.. have never dated, for that matter.
Been cheated on → If you never dated, how can you be cheated on ? But sometimes i do feel that way...
Kissed someone & regretted it → Haha.. i wish.
Lost someone special→ Yeah. Kinda.

IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:

Fallen out of love → Yeah. Totally.
Laughed until you cried → Hmm. Most probably.
Met someone who changed your life → Kind of.
Found out someone was talking about you → Yeah.

How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? → Agreed. Don't know what they mean.
Do you have any pets → Before.
Do you want to change your name → Yeah. Sometimes.
What time did you wake up today → 6.45 am. Around there.
What were you doing at midnight last night → Duh. Sleeping. Just don't get the wrong idea.
Name something you cannot wait for → Err. SPM to be over and done with.
The last time you saw your father→ Last night. Is this really necessary ?
What's one thing you wish you could change→ My hair. Wished that it wasn't so unruly. And yucks.
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Nope. Don't think so.
What's getting on your nerves right now → Before this was add math. Not so sure about now.
What's your name → You should know if you're reading this. =] Estee.
Elementary/Primary School→ Sk Taman Megah.
Middle/Secondary School → Smk Bu3
High School → Smk Bu3
Hair color → Black. But i want it red.
Long or short → Depends. Probably shorter than what you think of long.
Are you a health freak → No. Nat is.
or lefty → Righty all the way.

FIRSTS :

First surgery → Err.. Not yet gua. Unless you count when you're born.
First piercing → Form 1 / 2. Ear piercing.
First best friend → Never had one.
First sport you joined → Badminton and always been badminton.
First pet → I think it was a hamster.. or was it a fish ?
First vacation → Can't really remember...

CURRENTLY :

Eating → Nothing.
Drinking → Water ?
Waiting → For nothing.

YOUR FUTURE :

Want kids? → Maybe.
Want to get married?→ If i can find the right man.
Careers in mind? → Lawyer, Interior Designer. Maybe a microbiologist. Or something related to chem.

HAVE YOU EVER :

Kissed a stranger → Don't think so. Maybe in my dreams ?
Drank Wine/Beer/alcohol → If Shandy is counted.
Lost glasses/contacts → No, but my glasses broke countless times.
Ran away from home → I can't even drive, for goodness sake.
Broken someone's heart → Maybe ? or maybe not. How to know ?
Been arrested → I can't drive. Period. What else can you be arrested for ?
Cried when someone died → Yeah.

YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself → Not really. But sometimes i exceed my expectations.
Miracles → I do. i know they exist.
Love at first sight → Yes. I do.
Heaven → Yeah. With its streets of Gold and wonderful "heavenly" stuff. =]
Kiss on the first date→ Err. Don't understand but probably doesn't apply here.
Angels → Yeah =]. They're cool.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Maybe. XD
more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → Nope. Never. That will equal to cheating.
Do you believe in God? → YES. Always have and always will be.

Tag:

> Khai
> Zi yi
> Ning
> Li ying
> Ven Hui
> Mei Fong
> Urgh.

Whoever who is free to do this ~ =]

Cheers to me for being me.

Free.

Freedom. Such a big word. But i guess people won't know the meaning of the word until they've experienced it for real.

I am free.

From Emo-ness.
From the burden.
From the exams.

But somehow it doesn't feel like i have accomplished something great, even though its great. Maybe cause the feeling of getting back bad results is so great that even though you finished the exams overruns it.

Anyways, i think i'm feeling better now.
No more Emo Bug around me anymore.. probably until i start thinking more than i'm supposed to.

So.
No more thinking too much.
Watch more anime/ jap drama/ taiwanese drama.
Blog more.
Enjoy life MORE ~

Yayy. i think the first time i've jumped in years was today at the staircase with Marion and Leigh Ann. Felt great. Especially to ponteng for like 15 minutes of studying crap. And when i lepaked near the balcony overlooking the field.. Felt great. Like free.

But we can really never be free... No ?
Forever trapped somewhere , sometime.

ME. Forgive the emo ness at the end.

Light up my path.

These days i have been writing really emo posts cuz i think there is an emo bug going around lately.. just like you know those flu bugs.. ? So yeah.. Just updates this time around. =] I feel much better now than before but not that much better.

So, exams is just around the corner .. like next week. and i have barely studied la. Only a little add math and sejarah but we have like 9 subjects and to top it off nicely.. there's also moral and sivik. Which i dunno what can they test on anyways. Haiz.

So this days me and al have these weird song conversations exchanging nice songs but we both have different opinions on the songs so it hilarious. haha... But overall, i think we do agree that Yiruma is a great composer !!! Most probably the best composer other than Taylor Swift lo.. XD

So i think i have been deep in the dumps lately but i suppose that this is the worst of it. Feeling depressed like a long time.. until today i guess. I suppose i just have to busy myself so that i dont have to think about it. Works most of the time for me. =] Maybe i never felt depressed because i always had tons of work to do here and there... or maybe i am just thinking too much.

Conclusion : Dont think too much, it can just ruin your life.

How true. I guess. I wont be onlining these days no more as i have to express study ~ cuz i didnt have time to study at all last weekend. So this is my last weekend. So i guess i'll see you in the near future.

And i have finished watching MIss No Good !! Will update with pictures and comments on the show later... after exams ??

Tata.

Falala.

i finally thought of a idea for my oral presentation thanks to Alliyza !! Weeehhoo.

I have lots of mood swings. Weird that i wasn't created a swing or a roller coaster rather than a human being / homosapien. I decided that i will talk about my trip to NZ since i am just too lazy to think of any others that fit what i want to say. And its easy to because i dont have to memorize anything. Okay, maybe a little bit, but i can also be spontaneous.

So with that outta my mind, i need to prepare my hard copy on what i'm suppose to say. Oh well, maybe i could just do that tomorrow in school for all i know. School's a great place to study and do homework as i have a straight up dictionary of add math and all things going with math sitting in front of me. =] And i have less distractions there. Rather than at home. But i really need to start studying already. Exams is just a week or two away. Hopefully i can jump this obstacle okay - lee .

Pray for me. XD Maybe i just need to try a little harder than what i'm doing now. But i'm already trying my best. Maybe its time to give a 101 % rather than just 100 %. Thats why people give up half way or dont bother to try at all. Cuz people want all and more from you when you can only give what you can.

Well, like i always end.

At least now you know there's no trick to being me.

How nice to know that.

I'm relieved.

Me. You. Us.

Pure Nonsense.

I feel dead tired. All because of going to a super long seminar thingy today.

On a separate note : Anyways. I thought about stuff. i am beginning to think i think quite a lot this few days. I don't think its really good for health but its good for your soul so YEAH, you get it. Firstly, i realized that studying can actually be FUN if you have wasted your time on something else that is totally useless and you say to yourself " i could be studying by using this time instead doing nothing beneficial here " . Ever felt that before ? I really appreciate those time where you are like super duper free and go " i'm bored " . What should i waste my time on now ? Like in Standard six when studying wasn't even needed to score in subjects. Not that i did score or anything but its been quoted before by some geniuses in our school .

Secondly, i am like blank on what to say for my oral presentation next Tuesday. I am coming up with a topic but dunno whether shityoushityoushityou Miss Gravy's shithershithershither gonna comment about some stupid thing that only she can come up with and find problems with my topic, so... yeah. Probably something that i can talk about easily..... Haha.. XD Screw her. I'll talk about anything i want to talk about.

There , i feel much better already. Maybe i should quote

Blogging is good for your health and soul.

It really encourages you to let out your feelings even though you can't say everything online = public. =[
Sadly.
But diary's are not a bad idea too , you know.

Do you know what it feels like when you mistaken people for who they are ? You think they are like that but they end up a little different. How can i have ever thought that Person A was like that ? I already knew Person A was not that kind of person.
In the end, i was just fooling myself into thinking that i actually had seen something other people couldn't. But in the real sense, people was seeing what i couldn't see. I was just blinded. I know its not fair to others who really care about me. I'm sorry.
I have been cheating myself and everyone i know.

I can always feeling it creep up to me....

It really is not special being who i am. At least now you know there isn't a trick to being me.

Depressing ?

This week has been just URGH for me. I mean there are some good points of it and some really URGH times. Like a graph. Maximum point and minumum point. Add math freak, yes i am. This week , first of all. I have to say that when they asked us to decorate the papan kenyataan of the class la. I was like "Oh Great. How ?? Hopefully ( my class ketua )* will be responsible enough to ask people to bring stuff for the board and then KAO TIM already. "
(* names have been ommited to protect their privacy )

BUT

No, he didnt. So i was like SOOOOO friggin pissed. I mean thats just how i am. I am a Friggin Resposible Person. Too Responsible if you ask Me. So i , being the penolong of the class had to do the work that was supposed to be " the ketua.s" JOB. I really apprieciate all the hard effort put in by Jia Xin !! and Marion !! for helping me complete the work in time. =] I am really grateful for having those kinda people around. XD Thanks guys again ! ( even tho its part of your job, Jia Xin...Still thanks ! ) Through that experience, i can really see who are my friends and who are not. Really. Eye Opener.

And so the rest of the day i was really pissed. And somehow it brought forward to Thursday. I was getting somewhere between Pissed and Depressed. But i think Depressed more suited the moment. i was sitting quite behind in the class as well as there being no friends from OUR gang. Meaning got friends like Lizzie, Wongy and Kar Hei. And Sharon, Kristal behind and everything but its just different. =[ It hasn't really got in my brains yet before that and i was thinking that maybe the class isn't so bad... Instead i WAS SO WRONG.

I miss everything of last year. Even though 3 Aktif had its DOWNS in terms of people, it had people who are real !! The class somehow fit right into the mold. Stupid School. They split us UP even though we did our best and everything to get into the best class and together again. I was VERY , EXTREMELY upset at that point. So i was moody like mad. Even on Wednesday, when me and Al and Marion was lepaking and talking during Yellow house practice.. I feel like we are separating !!! I don't even talk with some of you guys anymore ! More like barely ~~ but still.. I only see you people like on Thursdays and whenever in between. I absolutely HATE it. it feels like such a competition between classes kinda thing. URGH.

Anyways, it didn't get any better. Sorry guys, ( Jim , KY , Zi Yi ) I was really upset and depressed that day. Remember that time you guys wanted to do the Carta Organisasi thingy ?? Sorry ~~~~~~ Didn't mean to get angry and look pissed at you guys. TT More like i was pissed at my life.

Pissed at my life. Pissed at my class. Pissed at everything. I absolutely HATE miss gravy. No one to talk to except Lizzie. But we hang out with different groups anyways. Marion's a way away. Nat and Danielle's ALL the way in front. I'm stuck behind. But me and Lizzie somehow pushed the tables towards the middle so its better now. But doesn't change much.

UGRH. How many times have i said that already ? Who cares. The only thing that can cheer me up and comfort me is my taiwanese shows. There is nothing to look forward to. Except studying. Exams. Study some more. Exams again. Hopefully i can last until Form 5. Maybe a reunion is in the queue. Who knows ?

Tadaa. Now you know there's no trick to it.

Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day. It really gives me the creeps if you asked me about this day a few years ago... but i think i have changed my opinion on it this year. =] No reason. I just feel now that it has given a new and beautiful meaning to life.. and to people. Sounds cheesy but true. I saw a few things that made me change my mind. But before that...

Yesterday i went to school, yeah, i know ( stupid right ? who goes to school on a sat ? ) So anyways, we went for a Merentas Desa thingy that the school planned almost every year to get our fat butts off the chairs. It was quite a short run as it was only about 3 to 4 km compared to the one a few year back .. around 7 km i think. So we ran and walked... but apparently no one saw us ran and asked us whether we walked all the way ?? Thats insulting our "kemampuan" okay >>>??? Aiyoh... we are not so lembik until we walk all the way right ?

So back to the topic. I saw a real confession that day!! It was certainly interesting to watch but i thought it wouldn't be so nice to watch and instead gave them some privacy lo. But everybody went to see anyways, regardless. It was quite cool and romantic lar. All the best for them !! XD And i saw some form 1s trying to be a little romantic too... It was soo sweet. Form 1s already cant wait to be in that position ~~ =] It was really cute and everything ... and that made me think again about the real meaning of the day....

All in all, it was a nice experience lar.. going to school on Valentine's Day... XD If i wasn't so friggin tired, that is. But i got a chance to experience Valentine's day in a new light. ~~ Thats cool, right ? Hehe...

Oh yeah, before i forget .

Happy Single's Day !!
( Don't worry people, that we dont have dates and people to kau us !!
We are still standing and happy !! )

RIGHT ?

Enjoy your day, XD
Me and me and me.

Birthday bash ~

We had Ning's bday bash after so long !! I mean after the splitting of the classes la. I wanted to go out wif the gang cuz so long never see them and hang out wif them liao. Only like on Thursdays la. XD So happy le.

But i came almost the latest, 2nd latest cuz i went straight from church. Like 1 something only i reached IU. My bro teman me go find them but couldn't find them at gsc. So faster call Nat. They said finding place to eat wor. So i saw Nat and NIng at the bottom of the elevator of gsc. Quickly ran down to meet them. In the end, decided to eat at A & W. So funny, the guys sneaked up behind us when we were just about to order. Yayy... Wongy came !! Okay, that does sound weird at first but you see, he actually called me and told me maybe he couldn't come cuz his mom wanted him to go BK classes that aftrenoon plus he had to eat lunch wif his mom's kawan. Luckyly, canceled. So can go lor. =] Hehe. Saw Yappy , Li liang and his brother , and Ky.

We sat down and then we started eating... until i saw Jeffrey Teh and Su Wee walking straight past me !! It was like SO weird. Until i realised that Ky's old classmates also were hanging out wif them !! What a friggin small world. And they know each other.. Wongy knows a few of them as well as Ky too. Topsy turvy weird man. I went to curi some of their fries =] as well as wongy's fries Lol. XD Went to watch Pink Panther 2. It was quite funny la. Especially the starring of the show, Steve Martin la. Dunnno how to spell his on-screen name. HE and that Nicole so funny. XD Anyways, the EVEN weirder thing was at the end of the show, Su Wee called my name from behind and so happened that THEY WERE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW SAME TIME ~ Freaky weird. Maybe stalking us ?? Lolz. I could only dream. Hehe.

After that, we wanted to bowl and play pool but too many poeple liao.... so no choice. Ning wanted to buy some tennis balls, so we followed her go find some with a good price lor. Went to the Sporting CLub amd Jusco. In the end, she bought some from Jusco, some bargain thingy. =] Good for you Ning !! You found a good price for it. XD

We lepaked around the mall for a bit. Until Wongy , Li liang and bro went up to the arcade ... And me, Ning, Nat , Yappy, JJ ( who came all the way from PD ) and Ky ( later on ) continue to lepak downstairs. Lepak lepak lepak then Nat and Ning decided wanted to go play the " banging " game and some other game so they went up. I was forced to go up after they ditched me downstairs. Evil ppl , lol. So i watched them play. Before going home, decided wanted to get a bag for my exercise books for school so went S & J to go see. Ning ( who is cunning ) haha... went to see how much her pressie's are. haha... =]

Thats all i have time for, Chiaoz.

This weird thing.

Dunno why i'm posting this weird thing that i received through an email from Sean but its quite accurate. =] Be my judge. I am a Virgo as i am a September baby. Even though i don't believe in this kinda stuff but here it is anyway.

VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget the one and only.

I highlighted the ones that i think are accurate to me .. What do you think ?

Lolz. Be happy. Or sad. It doesn't matter to me. I'll still love you for who you are. Xoxo.

Estee